Cover caption

Photo Roger Morton

These endangered NZ kakariki are presently residing in Jardiland, Isle de Marsac, near Perigueux. Although they are endangered, and only live naturally in very few places in NZ, they do breed easily and in NZ, one can apply for a licence to breed. How they got to France is a mystery. We only arrived at Jardiland on closing time (comme toujours) so didn't have time to extract an explanation from anyone. Next visit. They cost 73e each. I would love to buy them because they look so exotic. If only they would be content to live in one of our walnut trees. Kakariki is the Maori word for the colour green. They are otherwise known as the red crested parakeet. ed

From Richard French's ipad

Sunset on the road to Mandalay

And so it is with Phuket, Thailand.
At the bottom it's a glory. A mish-mash of mixed up scooters and diesel, hot- rods and wrecks, young (lots and lots) and old (not quite so many). Markets and motor bikes, massage and similar, cheap chicken and chili, frozen beer. All good stuff on my list. Beach shacks and sand between toes. Skinny waitresses who say 'pay tomorrow if you like'. Strange but true. Pha Moo on the road out of Kamala. Try it if you are passing. The soft shelled crab - not stalling on the bill, That's for us locals. (They do drive in the middle of the road. like I said not a good place to be.
At the top. It’s an uber-rich wonderland. The Amandari hotel here can  (and does) charge up to $10,000  a night for a suite with cook and butler. That's US Dollars not Thai Baht. Divide by 1.5 to get to the Pound-Euro which  is how I have re-learned to do my sums The Baht is somewhat more favourable.  A quid buys you 40 of those and a tuk-tuk will ferry you a very long way for the same. Our hotel, which is a pretty decent piece of kit, is many miles off the Amandari in the  price stakes but sports a great view (it's Tsunami safe high on a jungle hillside), has no tour buses, great views and not too many Japanese. Russians are a bit of a problem. Always have been. But a great pool, some rooms have their own and they have given us an upgrade. Ca va bien.
And here is the clever money- saving bit. We eat out all the time.  Down the hill by free transport to a beach shack we found and love. The staff owners could not be nicer or more decorative and do not wear shoes. The food is terrific. I would like to think a fisherman in a long tail boat delivers the  Tiger prawns and White Snapper freshly caught at dawn but I have seen the polystyrene ice-filled market box. No matter.  A huge platter of Thai Fishcakes and wondrous chilli sauce costs less than the Sunday Times in Verteillac although that is hardly good value and a less good read. The paper not the fishcakes. And when we want to push the boat out we do so in the hotel limo, so much cheaper than a hire car to hit a high spot.

Hard to describe the wonders of the Catch Beach Club in Surin,  other than,  a sort of BBQ Seafood Essex Utopia would be getting near. But still wondrous  it is. Now 'buffet' in my lexicon is only one word better than 'finger food' (which is two words - never mind). But swallowing my words, or buffet in this case, it was just beyond bloody marvellous. I know a thing or two about shellfish and in my time have eaten a totally unfair share of endangered underwater species but I have never experienced anything like this. Too much to describe other than to say that there was excess of everything and all cooked to perfection and attended on hand and foot by decorous Thai maidens on a sultry night overlooking a shining sea. And not a tsunami in sight.
So what's the catch? It's the middle, that's what. Or more specifically Kamala Beach where we chanced to stray and could not get away fast enough. This was sadly,  not before we saw what we had been warned about before we came. Never ever have there been or have we seen, so many under-clad, overweight, over and under- greased, massaged and pummelled, bikini clad (or tiny male swimmers) over- age, multi-national, over-exposed flesh . Being a wrinkly myself brought no solace. And sadly all these folk hiding from Bremen and Belgrade and Borussa and Bulgaria and other places cold, grey and North had no shame about being toned and honed (as if) by tiny, delicate and beautifully formed Thai people who have turned the subtle art of beach massage into an art form. Over a mile of this was just terrible. And so sad.
Call us anti- social but it’s up the hill we sleep and loaf. Down the market and down the hill we eat. And to Kamala beach we will never go again. Please God.
Seems a fair deal to me.   
Sent from my iPad

Photo and text Richard French

Stephen O'R's trip

Ben Whishaw and Abbie Cornish in Bright Star
 

 Well fuck iPad, fuck, I had a whole thing written and wack! it turned blue! I hit the wrong button and the whole genius, like genius, thing disappeared. I admit it was a dis-qantas piece but even so,  like gone!

So I am sitting there staring at the screen like it's a bad joke or something and nothing just blank - well not exactly blank- that's just the wine talking,  more pus-yellow with folksy brown lines like someone's memory of days gone by. A baby boomer imagining of what gene y or x or whatever might like.
But so it's gone and then I am interrupted by this purser guy who is trying to tell us that we have to rush off the plane when it stops and like run to the next one.
“Wait a minute, you had us wait for over an hour to take off  because your phoney sub- airline ‘jetstar’ was late ...”.  My friend Todd has a band and flies everywhere, every week, and says “ never on jetstar because they are always late and the longest walk to get on and off”.

So this patsy is standing there looking over the top of his reading glasses and I remind him that we are the passengers and that maybe it's not such a great idea running an international airline off the back of some cheap domestic airline that is always late, even if it's owned by this shit company qantas - can you believe it?

He goes “ I really am sorry”.

“Huh! says I. So what about the fact that we don't have boarding passes?”

 He tries to slide out of that.

“Well......”.

“ No not well..... you guys created this problem, so fix it.”
Oh I'll send a message through to our ground staff and if they reply......

What, you make us miss our connection and you will just see if they reply or not! It was qantas that would not give us a boarding pass, it was qantas that started up Jetstar so they could employ people without having to pay them properly so they run an understaffed airline that runs late. Really don't you think an airline that can't even spell the name right may not be bad enough without starting an even worse one to make them look good?

 A sickly smile crosses what passes for his face. “There is no ‘u’ in qantas because it stands for the queensland and northern territory air services.”

 I can see this guy -Mr Purser - more like pursed lips- has fallen for that line. They named the airline qantas so that ordinary people like Mr Purser here and his like would get the warm fizzles at the idea that an international airline could have grown from a little business that moved sheep and farmers around for the odd dirty weekend.
I say “what about our bags?”

“What? he said, never heard of them.”

 Take a look in the mirror baby. Oy if there is enough time to get our bags off this plane that only a few weeks ago caught fire because some welder knocked off early because qantas didn't pay overtime or something, then there is enough time to get to the transit desk and get a boarding pass like your person wot checked us in said we had to do.
Well there is a to-do here. Percy purser pursing his lips thinking I had just let him off the hook. He smiles with a yes so it will be alright then.
Excuse me I was just quietly sitting here thinking shall I just leave this iPad on the plane or what and along comes yo Percy trying to put the frighteners on us and getting us off the qanta-sic plane so that you can go and wander down memory lane that used to be called Bugi St.( the bugis were very tough people from south of Singapore who were friends with the tribe know as Amuk you know what I'm saying? (as in run amok) but the babes in Bugi St Singapore,  land of the salesmen, were not really babes more like tough guys with lotsa makeup on.
Where was I? Oh yes, this crap airline is going to make us run and get panicky so that they can keep our luggage. Not pilot but ploti...
Oh the piece I lost was sooooo much better darling! like Guardian you know what I'm saying.
I can see it now the lufth ansa people gurgling and saying you haven't ze boarding passes and fantastic qantastik off to London with our bags.
Do you mind? I was  platinum you know? Platinum!
And mr Percy gone to dream of the old days in Bugi St before it was knocked down to build an insurance office with a shop on the ground floor where the government sold cheap tickets for singles cruises to try and encourage a bit of population growth.
But Singapore girls knew that after two years CMT those Singapore boys just wanted to boogie with the Bugi.
Copy boy!

Sent from my iPad

Some 24 hours or so later

Some good films so far and about 40% crap - I guess one person’s masterpiece is another person’s dog (as we experienced in Cannes with Bright Star.)  I saw True Grit for the second time. It was the opening night flic and I enjoyed even more than the first. The screen is superb like you would always
like. Joel Cohen is a friend. We have always had a completely relaxed normal relationship. It’s so unusual for Americans - especially successful ones, to be so open. Isabel Adjani is a completely relaxed open person too.
Other very important news is that I am coming around to liking BMW's but only if they have a driver.

Stephen O’R

BBC, Radio 7

 Hello again,
Last autumn, the BBC Trust began a Service Licence Review for Radios 3, 4 and 7.  Listeners were invited to become part of a Public Consultation and I know that many of you took the opportunity to respond.
One of the members of the Trust, David Liddiment said " We've gained a real insight into the services and what they mean to audiences and we hope our findings can help shape the stations' future direction."
The finding and recommendations were published on Tuesday this week, in a fairly lengthy and thorough report, which makes very interesting reading: BBC Trust Service Review
In the key findings, it was noted: "Radio 7 is highly regarded by a sizeable digital audience who value the light-hearted output. Audiences appreciate the opportunity to hear the best examples of radio comedy and drama from the BBC Archive. However, Radio 7 has low awareness overall, and its dedicated children's programming is not serving audiences well".
We are very much aware that, despite the popularity of our network, Radio 7 has, indeed, the lowest profile of all the BBC digital stations.
To help address this, a proposal was sent to the Trust to consider the repositioning of Radio 7 as Radio 4 Extra. The proposition was that by tying in more closely with our sister station, Radio 4, and with increased cross-promotion and complementary scheduling , we could attract more listeners.
The Trust agreed to the re-branding, with the proviso: " We will protect the current elements of Radio 7 that audiences particularly value, including increasing the weekly minimum amount of drama and comedy and setting limits around the amount of Radio 4 catch-up programming . “
I hope that this statement reassures listeners who have concerns about any changes to their station.
Thank you to those who have e-mailed or contributed to the Radio 7 Message Board about these concerns. I will try to answer some of your points here:
Radio 4  Extra will continue to broadcast as an entertainment pre-recorded network:
The zones such as Classic Comedy, Crime and Thrillers, 7th Dimension (perhaps re-named ) and Comedy Club will all remain firmly in the schedule.
Our drama output will be increased to a minimum of 55 hours a week, and similarly, the comedy output will also be increased to 55 hours per week.
‘New’ series from Radio 4 will possibly include Desert Island Discs (we had tried to schedule this in the early days of Radio 7, but were unable to get the rights) and we will also have access to more recent Radio 4 comedy and drama such as the acclaimed John Le Carre Smiley dramatisations.
There will also be some comedy premieres and new stand-up shows.
I can assure you that there will be NO news, NO sport, or weather reports, NO extended You and Yours, Any Questions, The World At One or ‘documentaries about the money market’!
This is an entertainment station!
We will not be repeating The Archers, (although we are considering some Archers' element we can pilot).
Regarding children's programmes, CBeebies Radio will be available online only, which allows us to repeat comedy and sitcoms in the wee small hours of the morning for our insomniac listeners.
There will be a "family-friendly" hour every day from Monday to Friday, consisting of stories, quizzes and features which appeal to children and adults alike. We are also introducing a regular Sunday drama slot for older children, and I can reveal that I have just commissioned a wonderful ‘young classic ‘ for this - The Silver Sword, by Ian Serraillier.
For the first time since we launched, we will be commissioning more new dramatisations of popular children's novels.
I hope this is enough to whet your appetite so far, and I will let you know further programme details when they are confirmed.
My recommendations for the week ahead, include a great selection of Daphne du Maurier readings and dramatisations.

Mary Kalemkerian, Head of Programmes, Radio 4

Cover caption

Cover by Roger Morton
Wednesday 9 February, hundreds of grue (crane) flew overhead. Unexpectedly early. Is it going to be warm from now on until they leave in October or have they made a terrible mistake? While overhead, a plane flew through their midst, leaving a dramatic jet-trail. Then on the 11th Feb more squadrons of grue flew in the clear blue sky on the day that the brave people of Egypt won their freedom from the rule of Mubarak. We thought this image reflects that freedom. ed

Education

Quinton Kynaston is a large London state school situated between Hampstead and St John’s Wood. I have just posted a plea from the school. It needs a building to house its homeless pupils. This is not in a poor part of London, quite the opposite. These pupils have family problems (alcoholic or druggy parents, poverty or personality clashes). These pupils have nowhere to live. They often sleep rough and yet they somehow make it to school every day. Their A-level pass rate is high. When they go to university, their pass rate continues to be high. The present governments proposed maintenance benefit cuts will take their only source of income (with which to buy food) away.

Obviously they have no money for rent. They are homeless, yet to want to go to school. This is not Africa or any third world, war-torn country. This is a school situated between two well-off London suburbs.This is 2011.

Perhaps you can help them or perhaps you know someone who could help them.

Joselyn Morton

Entertainment

Mary Kalemkerian relaxing at the Radio Times Covers party with Dr Who's David Tennant

Poetry

No Going Back

Hope and fear

mingled

young and old

together

with everything to lose

life hanging in the balance

of a sniper’s bullet

of government secret servicemen

surrounding them.

But if they succeed

if they don’t get killed in

Tahrir Square,

dragged off by the military

to no-man’s land -

will their bravery win the fight for

self-respect, peace of mind,

dignity

so they can speak their thoughts,

live without being afraid.

Squeezed by tanks and fears of torture

the resistance fight hard, bravely

but can they hang on until Mubarak steps down?

There’s no going back and  this drives them on,

besides they know they’ve gone too far

to go back

they’ve gone over the mark

they’ve crossed the line

there’s no going back

there’s been too much carnage

too much damage

they don’t want Mubarak in power

but he can’t leave yet

forty seven billion is too much to take

too much to leave.

How many Molotov cocktails would that buy?

How high would it make you think you could fly?

unreachable, untouchable...

Joselyn Duffy Morton©

From Richard French's ipad

Chinese NY - the Year of the Rabbit.

How Green is my Lane?
It is always like this. Start as early as you like - the lists, the visas, the cat's inoculations, stop the papers –yet there is always something that has to be done at the last minute. This year, London, Thailand, Vietnam-bound, we started weeks ahead and still we almost departed leaving water heaters at megga-blast and a bewildered lady factrice (must send her post card or she gets very cross).
This time the journey to London was by car. Someone once said  that the best way to get anywhere was by the way one did not travel the last time - so with memories of Eurostar and December snows, we hit the Autoroute and Tunnel. 

It was thus that some many hours later and following Tom Tom we ground to a halt in rain-drenched grubby-gridlock in the ultra-uber multiple-cultural milieu that is Green Lanes in, or nearby, one-time glorious Tottenham.

Here we crawled snail-like past brassy shop fronts that embraced a mercantile and foreign world of glitter to grunge where it was possible to lease, hire, buy, sell or steal items that we had never heard of, let alone tasted, eaten or could use or pronounce. Cheap gold, tacky silver, tropical spices, exotic silks, Polish sausages, Somali stews, curious cooking utensils, cheap airline tickets to airports we had never heard of with names beginning with a double ZZ or towns without a consonant to their name ... animals  alive or dead or perhaps halfway between, medicaments probably legal and drugs certainly the reverse.

In every nook and corner,  groups of swarthy hirsute men gathered in super-macho huddles while acolytes yelled impenetrable and doubtless coded messages into cell phones. Effortless sloth eyeballed sari and silken clad ( or midriff and thigh-exposing-skirted) women who lifted their hems or had not the need,  to puddle- jump in the rain-soaked neon-strobed mayhem. With all of this we asked, why on earth do we needed to travel halfway around the world to get a cultural buzz?
It was a day or two later at a Chattering Classes dinner soirée in Barnsbury (for where else?) that a fashionably clad director of television commercials (for what else?)  who resides elegantly at the top of Highgate Hill ( for where else again?) told us how fortunately spared were our lives.

“Green Lanes”  he said “ is a virtual no-go area where even the Mighty Met fear to tread. Drive-by shootings are not unknown.”

 Oh well, our sporty little 206 was sporting 24 Dordogne plates and with the steering wheel on the wrong side perhaps our very own foreign identity and exotic style protected us from peril.
Next stop Bangkok. We fly on Royal Thai Airline. They call it their Silken Road. We shall see.

Richard French



 

BBC, Radio 7

Hello again,

Red noses at the ready!

Comic Relief 2011 was officially launched this week with a multitude of planned highlights. This year we can all watch Something Funny For Money as well as Do Something Funny For Money. And we can of course - Listen to Something Funny For Money with Comic Relief events on-air across various BBC Radio networks.
I'm impressed with Radio 3's plans for a Big Red Nose Show which will take place at the Royal Albert Hall on 13th March. The idea is to create the biggest kazoo orchestra ever, thus breaking the Guinness world record for a kazoo ensemble! Amongst the many musicians and comedians invited to join in the mayhem will be Julian Lloyd Webber, Sue Perkins, Tim Vine , Marcus Brigstoke, and the newly crowned Queen of Comedy, Miranda Hart.
Here at Radio 7, we aren’t quite as adventurous, but we will be inviting comedians involved in this year's Comic Relief efforts to choose and introduce their favourite radio comedies in Radio 7's

Red Nose Comedy Controllers. The whole line-up is still top secret - but I can reveal that Lenny Henry will be one of the funny folk choosing his radio favourite for us.
In the meantime, you can find out how to get involved and Do Something Funny for Money, or just enjoy Red Nose Day on
http://www.rednoseday.com/
This week the RAJAR (Radio Joint Audience Research) listening figures for the last quarter of 2010 were published (the figures do not include Christmas) BBC Radio performed well, with Radio 5 Live bringing in its biggest audience ever - 7.09million, Radio 2 attracting 13.94 million listeners, and Radio 4 holding up well with 10.32 million listeners.
Radio 7 had a slight drop from 1,045,000 in the previous quarter, to 941,000. However, this time last year our figures were 931,000, so it's good to see a year on year increase for us.
Here's hoping our network will continue to grow throughout the year.

Mary Kalemkerian, Head of Programmes, BBC Radio 7

Cover caption

Cover photo by Roger Morton

(The warning on the wall ‘Danger de mort’ seemed very fitting for an All Extremely Precarious cover.) ed

bd festival, Angouleme

Jean Giraud, who works under the pseudonym of Moebius

There were radio crews in abundance.

Heavy duty dudes looked like butter wouldn't melt as they read their hearts out.

A new generation who may well have studied bd in Angouleme.

Some of the venues were immense - everything was extremely well-organised.

Manga is always very popular

Jacques and Maggie with Angouleme TinTin originator, Herge.

Devoted fans queue patiently for a dedication (this is usually a drawing in the inside cover.)

tills were busy as fans queued to buy a specially dedicated copy.

A selection of Roger Morton's photos from the bande dessine (bd) festival in Angouleme. Now in its 38th year, it was written up in the Guardian on Friday 27 January. It is a huge and spectacular event and just what a small town in the middle of the Charante needs in the middle of winter. Thousands and thousands of fans turn up. Every street is filled with immense venues erected for this 3-day event. As well, the Beaux Arts, the Cathedral, Music Auditorium and any other likely venue either side of the river is roped in. The cartoonists are old and young and mostly men. I observed some years ago that they all seem to draw with their left hand and smoke with their right. Now, of course, there is no smoking.
Some of them never stop talking - I guess theirs is a solitary talent and so they welcome the chance for a good old chat - especially with fans. Often the atmosphere was electric. I loved very minute of it. Well done, Angouleme. ed