Maslak, Istanbul
A Sunday or two ago I found myself waiting to board a Lufthansa plane at Munich for the United Nations Least Developing Countries Conference number 4 in Istanbul (from now on, it will be referred to as UN LDC IV - we love Roman numerals in international organisations) I soon became aware of my fellow passengers and was amazed at the stereotypes. Tall, very young girls, ballet dancer slim, but not together in a group, waited to board with shiny bright new turquoise passports proclaiming Moldovian National were first in the line. They were followed by what appeared at first look, to be a bunch of priests (having several priest-pals from my Rome days I can spot one - in or out of mufti). This lot were wearing the traditional NGO male uniform - trousers, jacket and t-shirt all in black, a two-day stubble and reeked of smoke having rushed from the Camel Smoking Lounge when the flight was called. Why the rush? I don't know, as they all had Business Class tickets and EU passports. There were assorted women with assorted headscarf styles, their husbands/brothers/fathers/elder sons all wearing the traditional garb of the region - a black leather jacket. Children were numerous and quite well-behaved unlike the bunch of American tourists who were heading to pick up a Carneval cruise in Istanbul ... and was the whole plane aware that they had been bumped off their original plane and wanted to sit together? No? And I did not care (it was only three hours to Istanbul). I was sitting at the window, a splendid black American guy was on the aisle and yes, in between us snuck a Carneval cruiser who began asking the guy on the aisle a barrage of questions. No questions came my way as I had already been chatting with the steward in German so he was unaware that I could have been added to his chatroom. He asked the aisle-guy if he was American too? reply, mm,
going to Istanbul? reply, mm,
what are you doing in Istanbul? reply, changing planes… My ears pricked up - why would one change planes in Istanbul?
He was going to one of the ‘stans’… one of those places that time forgot but the ex-Soviet union remembers well and would really like back, sometime soon. The Carneval cruiser then asked in booming tones "Work for the government?" Silence, for a full five seconds and then a reply of "Something like that". Drinks were being offered and after his first mouthful of beer my neighbour asked me, in a very slow, loud and deliberate way "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?" while pointing at me. I smiled, said yes and he politely complimented me upon my grasp of the English language as I explained why I was headed to Istanbul. I returned to Der Spiegel and lurid pictures of more bombings in an over-bombed world. Finally arriving in Istanbul, we disembarked. The ballet dancers were collected by very tall, very wide-shouldered young men in NGO uniform and leather jackets - the men did not look pleased or too interested in ballet and the girls looked scared. We read about trafficking, it’s going on in front of us at borders, in airports every day. The Carneval cruisers were collected by a clucking official who promised them an evening of oriental entertainments, the NGO lot headed towards the taxis and I met Sergun who had been allocated to me so I could not get lost from the airport to the hotel. Sergun was a poster boy for the Turkish army in an ersatz or possibly a knocked-off real Prada suit, brightest of white shirts which matched his teeth and a wide, fluorescent, fuschia pink tie. We were transported to town in the shuttle bus with large UN letters on it, along with some Cotton growers from Africa, some desertification types and somebody from the World food Programme. Speeding into the city, giant banners proclaim the arrival of the UN circus. I cannot fail to notice in the five years since I had last been to Istanbul, the immense construction that has taken place and is still ongoing. As the Bosphorus came into view the spectacular skyline of Sultanahmet is quite unchanged, nothing comes close to the immense Blue Mosque or Aghia Sofia, but look further afield and the new buildings of Maslak, the financial district dominate the other side. The pace of UN LDC IV was frantic as speakers (Prime Ministers or European Commissioners or Presidents) from every known nation, took to the stage and delivered speech after speech and pledge after pledge of resources. These included Ahmadinajad,and Karzai. Ban Ki Moon seems a nice chap - he certainly is serious about funding, his staff reliably informs that the speeches are taken verbatim as he writes down everything that is pledged so if a politician forgets, (most of Gleneagles pledges are still nowhere in sight) the UN has recorded who has promised how much and by when. Themed debates encompassing the Ministers for Trade of small Pacific islands and a Cambodian speaker who only spoke with optimism for the future of his country are to be applauded. Solutions found for home-grown issues are exchanged and question-and-answer sessions go on into the night. Palestine took the floor and the Plenary chamber filled. An eloquent speech followed on Ending occupation, establishing a state which was launched in August 2009 with the date forseen as September 2011. Israel was next and it emptied very quickly. In between the speeches which continue all day, every day for a week, similar, but not as musical as the Orthodox church at Easter, there are side-events where cotton growers, tourism touts and NGOs ply their businesses - those men in black or African ladies in bright waxed cloth could be saving tree sloths, distributing camel cheese from the Sahel or promoting tourists to vanishing atolls. The third ring in these conferences is usually the official restaurant where Prime Ministers, Heads of State and passing dignitaries of the host country greet, meet and eat at a staggering rate. The organisation of these lunches is not to be joked at ... Ministers are notoriously sly at accepting an invitation and will wait until the last minute to turn up unannounced (if they have not received a better offer that day) thus table planning and protocol goes out the window or should I say - down the Bosphorous as plans à l'anglaise or à la française are jilted for ‘Wherever’. Receptions can replace real life for a week and skills of balancing plate and glass come to the fore. Our Turkish hosts were exemplary, perhaps organisation is easier in a country with a huge army, the conference has been a major success and we all return home knowing that there is no ‘them’ and ‘us’. A large percentage of the participants are returning to countries that are further under water than when they left ten days before. A Japanese minister gave a very emotional ‘thank you’ speech to include some of the poorest countries on the planet like Tuvalu and Kiribati who had come to his country's aid after the earthquake and tsunami. The UN is the bane of many developed countries, it is fashionable to deride its aims and objectives which seem to take too long to achieve, however the professionals who are the UN are committed to keeping everyone talking - like barking dogs,keep them barking. And Sergun? The younger generation of Turkey do not share their parents’ hopes in joining the EU, they may no longer even care, they have invented their own future, it might not include Europe but it would be our loss not theirs. He and his friends have no intention of emigrating. Emigrants return with tales of precarious lives, they retire home to Turkey and they bring everything back with them. Raving Reporter
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